Britney Spears: Pregnant And Smoking Or Fat?

Bally's straight up sucks! Britney Spears is getting fatter more she works out.

She really shouldn't have a problem getting skinny. I could get her skinny in a week. All you need is a lot of time at the beach, and Tecate. Tecate offers fun and then dulls your pain from starvation, and the beach allows you a place to sleep off the dehydration.

It's genius! 

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Fire The Trainer!

It's been one month since Britney Spears has changed her whole lifestyle, started working out every day, eating better blah blah blah. Blah!

Ok, seriously should a 26-year-old who works out every day with the 'best' trainers really have a spare tire? You can go boogie boarding all day and be in better shape!

She doesn't look bad. But she's 26! And a rich pop star. Fire Bally's, and call Jackie!

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She Made The List!

Britney Spears made it! It was close but Brit came in at number 100 on FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World. I agree. Out of 100 she's on there. Number one of course is Megan Fox. She wears Motley Crue shirts and poses with pigs - I'll toast to that.

A few other eye catchers: Posh Spice is number 99. Somebody at FHM needs to be fired. But nobody really gets Posh anyways. Sexy's in the details, asses!

Heidi Montag is number 44 and Lauren Conrad didn't even make the list. Heidi is hot like a lighter and LC can lose five pounds. So I agree.

Vanessa Hudgens is number 26 and she's barely legal. But that's cool, and Ashley Tisdale didn't make the list. There's going to be some slutting on set of HSM3 tomorrow because you KNOW she's not letting this get away. But like I said, this list is dumb. Tiz is hot. Let it be.

The Olly Girls are on here! WTF! Just because they're skanks doesn't mean they're sexy. There's five chicks downstairs of my place in the bar that look just like them. People bone hookers every night but that doesn't mean they should be on a list!

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Bally's Sucks

Bally's Total Fitness blows ass! The company has Brit Brit working out everyday with two of their top personal trainers. Plus they hooked up Britney with one of their nutritional experts, who's stuffing Britney with six healthy meals a day, according to TMZ.

Well after a week, Britney has a nice greasy shine. She doesn't look like she lost any weight, but she does look like if you touch her, you'll need to wash your hands.

Being all slimey is cool though! But it has to be Saturday or Sunday morning. And you have to smell like booze. And you have to be really thirsty. And close to a shower or the ocean. Ahh I'm already shivering knowing the weekend is near.

UPDATE: Ok so I added some pics of Britney getting the fit on yesterday. I might have been a little too hard on Bally's before. She looks nice n clean.

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Britney Spears And Her Hot Ass Legs

Britney Spears has hot legs! These are pens Rod wrote songs about. Frappuccino legs! This is what Jamie Lynn has to look forward to. Page Six says Jamie Lynn "has not wanted to be around Casey" and they're "on the outs right now, but not officially over yet." So she's going to have kids, no husband and fat legs. At least she's rich!

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Heidi Montag. Britney Spears. "Dramatic!"

Blemish: Heidi Montag and Britney Spears have produced a song together. It's so dumb Britney doesn't even no about it.

CelebSlam: Sophie Monk is on the market, hates Paris Hilton.

Mollygood: Two shades of Olsen.

Seriouslyomg: Cameron Diaz's boobs in the '90s.

POTP: The girl from Bring It On in a bikini.

Wendy: Winona Ryder is engaged.

Gabby: Steve-O goes to jail.

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Britney Britney Britney Britney Britney Britney - Over Here - Britney Britney Britney Britney

This is insane! I've never heard 'Britney' yelled in so many accents before. Watch towards the end as Brit Brit's new bodyguard grabs her arm and yanks her into the car. 

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Britney Spears And Her Naps

Wanna see what it's like to cut nappy plastic naps? Britney Spears goes to get a haircut one year after she shaved her head.

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Britney's Free -- And It's Insane

Britney Spears is free from her padded cell at UCLA about a week early. She's randomly driving around the streets of Hollywood. There's at least two helicopters and dozens of cars following her. It's insane:

ABC chopper gets in the way of the FOX chopper. Brit is the silver Mercedes.

Dozens of paps try and squeeze down a one lane road off Sunset.

Live video at FOX LA.

Photo Source

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Sam Lufti Can Get Shit

Yeeeah: Sam Lufti is probably out of a job after mixing drugs into Britney Spears food. That means if you want a manager who gets crazy pills, there's one available.

Dlisted: Angelina Jolie's unborn babies are to keep Brad.

POTP: Katherine Heigl's been backdoor burgled! Well actually sidedoor but that's not as funny.

SeriouslyOMG: Rihanna whore's her shit.

Wendy: Heath Ledger's dad speaks.

Bitten: Rebecca De Mornay and her DUI are spent.

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