Tara Reid Just Being Tara Reid

Miami Beach is so lovely! I've never been there but it looks wonderful in all these pictures of Tara Reid. I always pictures the place as some dirty pit with a bunch of coors light cans buried underneath dozens of tools in puka shells, flowered boardshorts and spikey little beached hair. And the beach is just blasting all those those Now! Hits CDs. Blasting!

But all I really have to go on is MTV. 

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Elisha Cuthbert Owns Like Ten Blown Out Bikinis

Popoholic: I can't really pick an ugly bikini from a pretty one because I like them all and don't care that much. It's the beach have fun! But if I was a judging a bikini compitition not in my dreams but in real life, I'd say Elisha Cuthbert should study Gemma Atkinson.

Fatback: Kelly Pickler's prom dress was amazingly little.

Seriouslyomg: Robery Downey Jr. when he was five.

Yeeeah: Ashley Simpson's bammers are massive all the sudden.

IDWYL: Alyssa Milano butt ass nakey.

Allie: Nicole Richie and her new family.

POTP: Kim Kardashian is shaved bald everywhere except her head.

Celebwarship: Liv Tyler is single now.

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A Quicky With Gemma Atkinson

Im really sorry for doing two Gemma Atkinson posts in two days but I had to for obvious reasons. I mean seriously.

She's a hero! Gemma is giving a lot to save breasts from cancer. We all should but I think you'd do double duty if you were her. I wouldn't doubt if she has breast cancer nightmares. It's like someone poking a hole in the Mona Lisa. Or a hooker, that's not a hooker anymore, but that doesn't mean you want free sex from her. Or like that scene in Clerks, the 37 dicks scene. Does this make any sense? Anyways, how the hell did Gemma get to Cuba so fast?? Fifteen hours and she's in a bikini, thankfully.

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Elisha Cuthbert In A Bikini To Cheer Up Your Day After Cinco De Mayo

The water is not that cold in Maui. So I think Elisha Cuthbert's nipples would be very dangerous if she was in the water say, near Alaska.

That's all. 

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Pink As The Bing On Your Cherry

I love summer. It's so nice and sunny and warm and the days are long and the nights are fun and you get to hang out on the beach all day and all the girls wear bikinis.

Like Pink.

What I don't like is Googleing Pink for news. You find nothing about her but you do find out there's a million things in the world that are pink. Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd's pig balloon. Pink lyrics by Aerosmith. Which by the way is where my title ended up coming from. What the hell is the bing on a cherry??

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Shauna Sand Is Amazingly Skinny, Tan

Shauna Sand is incredibly skinny. Stick with tits! Orange stick with tits!

If I had to with anorexic or bulimic I'd go with anorexic. It's easier! Shauna doesn't look like she likes to work very much. And what's with the fake tan at the beach. It's the beach!

I never really thought Shauna could walk without a shitload of clear plastic under her feet, but yes, she can.

And Miss Sand totally has a type when it comes to boyfriends. If you ever see her with a guy NOT carrying a LV man purse, freak!

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Denise Richards Lost Five Pounds In One Day

It looks like there's less of Denise Richards today. That's the thing with pretty girls: just because you love them doesn't mean you want more. Less is more! But yeah so Denise took these 'candid' photos after THESE not extremely flattering bikini pics hit the net.

Make sure you shoot from the right angle!

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Denise Richards Rides The Wild Waves

Denise Richards stand up paddle board surfs. When you wake up with a mean red bull and vodka hangover and your website is crashed, stand up paddle board surfing in Maui looks awesome. Just what I need! I did catch an awesome concert last night though. Midnight Juggernauts. They're good live.

So back to Denise, wow, that Shape Magazine cover is really airbrushed. Not to complain though. Denise is hot, and she's a bitch. You can't buy chicks that perfect!

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Jennifer Aniston's Butt Looked Amazing

There is less of Jennifer Aniston to look at. Jenni has "lost seven pounds in seven days" according to OK! Magazine. Two weeks ago a friend told the magazine she "was smiling and giggling with her friends. Her butt looked amazing!"

Supposedly she snacks on berries and lettuce all week except for two very important days where she pounds beer and sips on martinis, or something like that.

Blah blah blah... here's her bikini body this weekend.

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Fergie's Not Pregnant Bikini Body

Fergie is the skinniest fake pregnant chick I've ever seen. If you're going to be fake pregnant get some flab! Like three weeks ago everyone was saying she's getting fat, carrying a fetus, puking in the bathroom, everything. She tried to explain herself on tv but no one believed her: "I've never been pregnant and this is probably the 20th time people have said that. So, no, for the record. I'm five feet four and so when I gain a few extra pounds, it shows. I think people just love to speculate."

And that's why you just throw on a little red bikini and play in the surf! Show off your shit! So here's Fergie and her fiance having a blast in the Bahamas.

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