Submitted by Eddie on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 23:47.
For whatever reason, women were supposed to hate sex in 1894. And not only that, they were supposed to make it absolutely miserable for men! What a crappy world! I guess some old lady wrote a "how to" for women to learn to hate sex and have as little of it as possible. It's because they didn't have good music back then. Music makes you want to have sex. Anyways, here's some of the awesome advice the old hag has for women:
MOST men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices, including performing the normal act in abnormal positions, mouthing the female body and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
MANY men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife must ensure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise he might be encouraged to soon try for more.
THE wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly — and as time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.
ONCE in bed, the wife should turn off all the lights and make no sound to guide her husband in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement.
WHEN he finds her, she should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practised only in total darkness.
CLEVER wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband.
AS soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow.
BY their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child-bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband.
SOOOO I guess that means if you're not already divorced by the tenth anniversary... do so quick! And I really hate that whole nagging right after idea. Gives me the chills.
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